You can only “yes, sir” your way to the middle

Your voice is not meaningless; when thousands and millions of others join it, it won’t be ignored

It’s been a year since I saw something that made me angry, so I wrote about it. What I wrote touched a nerve.

Honestly, hand on heart, I didn’t realise that my little rant about “women’s breakfasts” would be published on International Women’s Day - which, I feel, did add to its virality.

At the time, I had seen a “women’s breakfast”, marketed with what I felt was a condescending title, scheduled for an awkward time of day (for those who do the school run), and located in a kind of out-of-the-way location (for London). I snapped.

I snapped, not because I hate breakfast, or women’s gatherings or even IWD. I snapped because the event just screamed afterthought. It was lady-washing. It was the type of “DEI thinking” that had nothing to do with examining or doing the actual work that needed to be done to dismantle structural inequality and ingrained sexism.

It was tickboxing in the worst possible sense, with nary a nod to just how serious it is for our society and our economy when women - as half the global population - are disregarded.

It made me angry because as of 2024, the so-called needle in terms of gender parity for economic and political power, and even personal safety, had barely moved in decades. This particular, random, inconsequential “women’s breakfast” became emblamantic of the crumbs handed out to women every day, in every industry, which we’re made to feel “grateful for”.

But that was 2024.

I feel naive for getting angry that the needle hadn’t moved in the gender pay gap, seniority levels, or investor funding in decades. I feel embarrassed that I hadn’t considered how far the needle would move backward.

The rate in which Diversity, Equity and Inclusion programmes are being scrapped tells me that these programmes were bullshit from the start - just a powder pink cloud of diverisity-washing crap. Anyone who has worked at any company of any size for any length of time can tell you that when costs need to be cut, it is the marketing and PR budget that goes first. Activities ingrained into the business are more complex to dismantle. (And trust me, anyone who works in either banking, tech, or both, knows so-called “masculine energy” never went away.)

I am clinging on to the hope that JP Morgan hasn’t jettisoned their DEI programmes because it was integrated into their business and added to the bottom line. (I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, banks like JP Morgan do not do things to look cool, they do things to make money.)

So-called DEI programmes, which have proved so easily discarded, were never actual programmes - ones with goals, metrics, KPIs etc - to begin with. They were as many of us suspected, and why so many of you also wanted to be freed from the infernal, condescending “women’s breakfasts”. They were like that random event over a year ago - superficial, with no actional power, and easily ignored on the agenda.

Last week, a woman in a small town in Idaho, in the US, attended a town hall meeting. She started shouting comments from her seated position in the audience. Was it disruptive? Yes. Did she share the politics of the governing body? No. Was this town hall held in the US, where (at the time of writing) freedom of speech and assembly are protected? Also, yes.

As the crowd held up phones, the moderator told this woman, “Your voice is meaningless right now”. Then, as three men - none of whom were in uniform - forcibly zip tied and dragged this woman from the assembly, the moderator is heard to call her a “little girl” who “spoke up”.

I once worked at a company where someone commented that the women who last and who get ahead are the ones who always say “yes”. They never object, contradict, or interfere with the decisions of those more powerful than them.

A stark example of that advice unfolded at a random event in a small town I have never been to (and probably never will). Good “little girls” do as they are told. They never “speak up” and always say “yes” when asked.

“Your voice is meaningless right now”.

The thing of it is, for many people in power, “your voice” has always been meaningless. In 2025, it is being said aloud, and we don’t even get a buffet spread this time to soften the blow.

This IWD, I’m sparing a thought for all the “good little girls” out there. Who are told they are “one of the good ones” because “they can take a joke” and “those breakfasts are an important part of gender parity discussions”. ( :-| ) They are praised for refusing to play a victim and whine about the gender pay gap. They are quick to remind us: #NotAllMen. God bless you, and good luck.

To bastardise a quote from Gloria Steinham: “You can only ‘yes, sir’ your way to the middle.”

There will be a time when your soul breaks, you say “no”, and you refuse to be quiet and leave. That takes more bravery, that sitting in a crowd of “masculine energy” with your phone pointed at a “little girl”. When the plainclothes men with zip ties appear, and no one comes to your aid, you will realise that the years of “yes, sir” were not about your protection or solidarity but your obedience.

For the rest of us, I’ll trade ‘get out of zip tie advice’ with you as our asses are dragged across a cold, linoleum floor.

Whether you love IWD or hate it or avoid all gatherings with weak coffee and stale mini croissants, fight on. Your voice is not meaningless; when thousands and millions of others join it, it won’t be ignored.

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Bit of an announcement. I am supporting the upcoming IMpower Fund Forum in June as their ‘tech guru’, moderating panels and doing some videos.

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This week’s musical finale comes from Guns and Roses. Suppoedly, the lyric in Sweet Child O’Mine “where do we go now” was added after Slash’s epic guitar solo, and Axel Rose commented, “where do we go now?”

“Where do we go now” - hit me hard this week.